Maybe it's just how I deal. I tell everyone I'm fine, I'm over it, etc. but unexpected tears will come out of nowhere and I know deep inside I'm just not over it yet. Most think I should be “over it” (after almost two months), some even say, “Some people can’t handle life.” Maybe I can’t, maybe my wounds take a little longer than the “average” person to heal. Maybe my heart and mind were more involved in my relationship than most people are or care to be. I feel like a failure cause I couldn't carry a baby, that I couldn't keep a good relationship in tact, that I lost one of the few men that I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with. They told me when I first started here, "don't drink the water or you'll get pregnant!" A friend/co-worker just found out she was pregnant. I've been consciously avoiding her. I haven't been ready to congratulate her. I was confronted by her having to pass her in the quad today. I am honest to God happy for her and her husband; they’re what you call good people, genuine people. I just wasn't ready to see it, if that makes sense. I am so close to the people that I work with that this is the first pregnancy at work in awhile. Upon approaching her we made small talk. I didn't realize how it bothered me. My co-worker and I turned to walk away, and out of my peripheral vision I could see my co-worker looking at me while tears welled up in my eyes. She said nothing, but she knows me so well that I know she knew what I was feeling. It's been different being around my God babies, they’re like the children I never had and it’s comforting rather than being uncomfortable. This is potentionally something that I could have gone through. I know, I didn't intend on keeping it. But things didn't happen on my terms and I was left picking up the pieces alone. I feel like I did something wrong to deserve this bad omen. When does the emotional recovery begin? I feel like this past week has been exceptionally hard. Why? I don’t know. I had to resort to a website to help me find the answer, but then again it’s selective to each individual. I went to: http://www.pregnancyloss.info/recovery.htm
A natural miscarriage can take considerably longer. You may have to wait days or even a couple of weeks before the bleeding and cramping begin. (Don't go more than two weeks without talking to your doctor about possibly getting a D&C. Studies show the longer you carry a lost pregnancy, the more likely you are to get seriously depressed, and the more likely you may have physical complications.) The actual miscarriage may only take a few days, or may drag out over several weeks.
The emotional recovery is another story altogether. One thing I will point out immediately is that your level of sadness is not at all tied to how far along you were. Everyone will be surprised by their emotions. Some will be near absolute despair and wish to join their baby. Some will be unpleasantly numb and feel nothing at all. Most will swing somewhere in the middle, seemingly okay one minute, then sobbing as if it were only yesterday. All the stages of grief will almost always be visited. Shock, numbness, denial, anger, guilt, depression, and finally resolution are all emotions you will experience. They do not come in order; some stages may go on for many weeks and others only a few hours. No two people grieve the same, as you will quickly see when your partner does not react the same way as you do. Don't expect that you will "get over it" in a few weeks or even months. Don't assume that getting pregnant again will turn everything around. Don't give yourself a timetable. Just let the emotions come and go and try to keep your life going.
So, you ask, when WILL I feel better? In some ways, you never will. The complete innocence and pure joy of pregnancy will not come back. But you will feel better than you do right now. Your life will go on, you will try again, and you will survive. There is much more to happen in your life. You have to keep going to see what it is. Only when you look back on where you were will you see that you do indeed feel a little bit better. For more information on emotional recovery, see "How to Cope."
I guess for the moment I’ll have to live with, “Time heals all wounds…”
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