Random thoughts, ramblings, musings, and actions!: February 2010

Where do I begin... ahhh September 23rd, 2008. The man I'd always been looking for walked into my life before I knew it was him."

Car problems, you've gotta take your car in to get it looked at when it has problems. I'm a chick, I put gas in and washer fluid (sometimes). I'm lucky to get the oil changed like I should. Well my car had problems! And it had them right in the middle of the crazy Tennessee gas shortage! I had some crazy sensor problems and had to take my car in. I didn't think that it was going to be a major "problem" until I was sent home without my car.
So let me back up a little bit... I'm waiting, and waiting at the serivce center, doing work while hoping to get my car back and peddle on back home, but a couple of hours had passed. Not before lovely MeMe* called me to her desk to let me know that my car was going to have to go to the dealer to be dealt with. Upon passing a desk to get to hers, I noticed blue eyes to my left. I was irritated about my situation, but always have time to notice a weakness of mine, blue eyes. Upon my arrival to her desk and the bad news I was informed of, Mr. Blue Eyes* spoke, "hey, it's been awhile since I've seen you!" "Yeah, yeah it has", I smiled, but I was really annoyed with my situation even though I was trying to place where I knew him from. I was focusing on the bad at that moment. Well more like an inconvenience. I had to call my mom to come and pick me up but all the while on my way home I couldn't get Mr. Blue Eyes out of my mind and where I knew him from.

That late afternoon/evening I get an email notification that Mr. Blue Eyes wants to be my friend on MySpace. Well I'd a lot of strange ones wanting to "friend" me and had pretty much deleted them all, but it only said "Mr. Blue Eyes" and there he was a small little picture that I couldn't quite make out the face sitting on a motorcycle. Be still my beating heart! So I accepted, I wanted to see who this was! I started digging through all of his pictures, some were of him, with family, with cheap girls, with more people I began to recognize. Wait! I know this guy! I know the family members! NO WAY!!!! It was the Mr. Blue Eyes I always knew, it was just 20 years later seeing him. Wow! So I left some comments to pics and we left each other a few messages, flirted back and forth (well as much as one can do through the internet). He said, "tussle"... loved it. I was kinda smitten, but on serious guard as I checked him over. I'm actually giddy talking to him through the computer! This little "flirt fest" was exciting, new! Strange.
It was finally time for me to go get my ride, two weeks later. As a thoughtful gesture I decided to get he and MeMe a gift card to Starbucks. He likes coffee. So grabbing them on my way to work, and then heading to the lot to pick up my car after work, I began to feel all jittery... like there were butterflies in my stomach. Ok, those who know me know that's not possible with me. I stopped many years prior of feeling anything for anyone let alone someone that just fixed my car. I just don't have time in my life for those feelings. I told myself to never feel again... it always hurt too much.

So while pulling into the bay I feel that not so familiar feeling of excitement run all over me as I see Mr. Blue Eyes sitting there. My hands were sweaty, my heart was racing, all things alien to me anymore. It was wonderful, and scary. "Why the hell am I so excited to pick up my car?", I try to tell myself. I get out, my eyes glancing at him trying to not trip or do something stupid, goofy smile across my face. Good grief, I'm here to pick up my car!!! I waltz in, and MeMe welcomes me, and Mr. Blue Eyes smiles. It was a warm smile that made all of the crazy things in my body do exactly what I didn't want them to do! I went to the pay window, then I turned around and handed MeMe her card, then walked over to Mr. Blue Eyes to give him his card. As I paid, I looked over my shoulder to see him smiling while looking at his card. It warmed my heart because it was a heartfelt look, almost like no one has ever given him anything before. It made me smile. He jumped up, grabbed my keys and went to pull my car into the bay for me. I went back to the rental to grab the last of my things, he walked over and helped me with my things and took them to my truck. We stood there a little awkwardly and then I noticed his bike out of the corner of my eye. I told him I wanted to see it and we walked over. I rambled because I was so, so nervous. And he did a lot of smiling and responded when he could make out one of my incessant rambling questions. I was "giddy." It was all weird to me, I hadn't felt that in years. Hell if I'd know that taking your car to the shop made you feel like that, I'd take it every other week! After awkwardly staring at the bike in silence I figured it was time for me to leave. He walked me back to my truck and before I jumped in, I told him I wanted a ride. He said, "absolutely!" I left... I drove home smiling, thinking about his eyes, the looks on his face as I studied him, his movements, and the tone of his voice with his gentlemanly Southern drawl. I got home to a sweet message (October 1st, 2008) from Mr. Blue Eyes. He said, "That was really, really nice of you to give me a gift, you didn't have to, but I am most appreciative. Now you have to let me take you to lunch one weekend soon, if you play your cards right, we'll go on the bike ;)..." I wrote back, gave him my number(s), and waiting for... for what, I had no idea. My heart was racing, I looked forward to sleep because tomorrow was a new day... a new something.

I was getting anxious, I hadn't heard from him and this "feeling" was all new to me again. I liked it, but it freaked me out. He called on October 2nd, 2008. It was a short period of time, but I was excited. I didn't screen my call as some would assume. I actually didn't hear the phone ring, but he left a message, "hey Alima it's Mr. Blue Eyes. I guess it's too late to call I kinda met up with some buddies tonight for dinner and was so uh just getting back in. But wanted to call and say it's going to be 81 degrees Saturday so if you're not doing anything... noonish... we might get out and go get some lunch if you can. 3XX-XXXX Talk to you soon!" My heart was about to jump out of my chest! I called back and left him a message (I chickened out and "responded" to the caller so it wouldn't ring his phone) and told him absolutely, I was all for it! Saturday was approaching and I had a "date." I hadn't had one of these in a long time... just wouldn't go there anymore. I was getting nervous the night before. I mean was it going to be weird? We we going to be awkward? What it just he and I or were others coming? My head was spinning. Saturday approaches and it's a day of mixed emotions. The anniversary of my brothers passing, and a "date" day. My mother sent a very emotional text that made me sad. I couldn't go out and have "fun" while she was home mourning. So, I stayed home too. I called Mr. Blue Eyes and told him what was going on and asked if I could get a raincheck. One, I felt like out of respect I should mourn my brother. Two, I was scared to death to put my feet back in the water. Water scared me, cold water, cold feet, it's scary. After hours had passed and I wished I would have went, my girlfriend/co-worker gave me down the road for not going. I had pretty much talked myself out of the raincheck until I talked to her. I worked up my courage as I laid in the bed and looked at the ceiling thinking about what to say, do. I rolled over, got out of bed, did my usual weekend morning stuff. Take the dog out, go get coffee, and then the panic started to flood all over me. I needed to call, what if he already made other plans? What if he thought I blew him off? I called. I was wanting him to not answer just in case he was going to tell me that he had plans already... I just wanted to leave a voicemail. RELIEF! I left a message telling him that I'd like to take him up on his raincheck if it wasn't too late. He called about 30 minutes later and said that he was mowing and would like to get out as planned the day before. So I scrambled like a little kid to get ready. I hadn't had a "date date" in a really long time, so I was flailing about not sure if I looked like crap or not. I got in my car and headed to his house not knowing what to expect. I pulled down the street ready to throw up (seriously I could've pulled off on a side street and yaked but I thought hugging him smelling like puke would've been a total turn off), and now I've reached his driveway. There he was, and there were two of his friends. AWKWARD! I get out of the car and walk over to the screened in porch where they're all watching football. I couldn't tell if I was walking like I knew how or like a toddler that's never walked before. I opened the door and he was up to greet me. He gave me a welcoming hug, and introduced me to one of his friends, Charles*. He was funny, I saw him look me over but not in a strange way, I know he was seeing who his best friend brought home. The other friend just so happened to be a long time best friend of mine, Rick* from 20 years before. I gave him a big hug and began to feel a little more relaxed. Well as relaxed as one could be knowing that I was being sized up right now. AWKWARD! The next 10 minutes was stressful and nerve-wrecking as I waited for his next move.
"Let's saddle up!" was what I heard. Now I've been on the back of a few bikes, so you must have trust of your driver. With him, I hopped on like I'd been there all along. Nervous as we rode off leading the way, I began to sweat. I mean sweat profusely. As we approached Broadway I was even more nervous now. It was warm for an October Sunday and to kinda "break the ice" I said to him, "I'm sorry if my crotch is hot and my boobs are sweating." OMG, did I really say that!?!! I did, and I did it because it's my humor, and to break the ice. I caught him completely off guard, he chuckled and shook his head. Oh great! Did I totally screw up!? What in the world was he thinking. It seemed like we were at the red light for HOURS after I said that. We trekked on to our destination for beers and football. We arrived and it seemed like I was the only girl there. All eyes seemed to be on us when we hopped off the bikes and headed in to find a table. We ordered our beers, and relaxed. After a few more of the tall cold glasses of "liquid courage" I felt like I probably needed to eat. I caught up with Rick, laughed at Charles, and got to interact with Mr. Blue Eyes even more. I was feeling more and more comfortable as the day went on. Ahh the queso and chips arrive, I'm starving! I offered my chow to the rest of the table which some picked at my chips before ordering their own items. Getting more and more tipsy by the minute I began to get more silly and loosen up. I went to take a big bite of my chip and cheese and spilled it on my shirt. Mr. Blue Eyes chuckled under his breath and looked for something to hand to me to wipe it off. In my beer haze I looked at him and said, "just spit on it." I didn't think of what I said UNTIL I said it. The table laughed loudly and he frantically proceeded to wipe the cheese with the napkin off my shirt. Charles looked at Rick and said, "I'm giving it 6 weeks!" I didn't know about this until months later and when we all became closer. I wished I could've seen it as I probably would've egged it on some more! We laughed, and laughed, and took camera phone pics and laughed some more. I got closer to him, putting my hand on his knee, leaning in, taking in the moment. It was turning out to be a great much needed day. It was time for the guys to head home, so we all got back on the bikes and went our respective ways. Now it's just Mr. Blue Eyes and me, back at his house. It was obvious even before the liquid courage there was an attraction. I felt on fire being around him. I'd not felt that in years! We're standing in the screened in porch looking at one another and you just knew that it was right. Morally no, but every inch of my being knew right then at that moment, it was right. We fell into his house wrapped around one another like we'd been together for years. It was electric. A few hours passed and I emerged realizing needing to get myself home. I did not want to leave... but I needed to so I could bask in the most amazing day I'd had in years, and hope to have another in the very near future. I drove home with a ridiculous smile on my face as I mumbled to myself all the way to my destination. I even turned down the radio so I could hear my incessant rambling of giddyness! I was glad no one could see me since it was dark, but I was glad that smile was covering my entire face. I smiled myself to sleep...

I woke up the next morning feeling like I'd just had the Christmas I'd always wanted. He sent me a message that morning on our social networking site that said, "I had to leave you a message this morning and tell you I had a great time with you yesterday. I hope we can hang out again real soon. Hopefully I won't have this limp for more than a couple of days ;) That was amazing!", and my day picked up like it never ended. To work I went... When I got there the girls were looking at me waiting for the dish. v They waited for me to settle in, go back and warm up my coffee, and take postion in my chair. I don't think I stopped smiling. I played the day before in my head over and over as I told the girls all about it. Work was easy, wasn't stressful, I was happy. I made a haircut appointment for the following day. I felt shaggy and needed to feel all over what I was feeling from the hairline down! He sent me texts throughout the day. I told him about my day and still reveling in the day before. I told him I was getting a haircut the following day, we texted about this and that, then he asked of he could take me to dinner one night that week. Well yeah!!! I wanted to see him again, I wanted to imprint the look of his eyes, his smile lines, his nose, everything in my mind so I wouldn't forget. He said, "Since you're getting your haircut tomorrow, why not Wednesday?" Umm I would've cancelled my hair appointment to see him again, and soon! I ripped through my Tuesday, head to the grindstone waiting for Wednesday to hurry up and get there. If I could've slept through the rest of Monday and Tuesday to get to it sooner, I would have. WEDNESDAY! I made it, but not quite yet, I had to get through work. Work dragged. This is what happens, right? You're waiting for something extra special and it takes an eternity to get there! Good grief, time to go home and get ready... he would be on his way. He was coming to my place and we were going to grab a bite. All of Sunday swirled around in my head while I was getting ready, I was feeling like that kooky little kid all excited... you know the ones that run through the house yelling and being silly just out of pure happiness? That is what I felt, I was going on a date. Now, don't get me wrong... I'd been going on dates, just with people I wasn't that into. But Mr. Blue Eyes changed my entire way of thinking about that! I was into him, and wanted to see more of him! Wednesday nights became our " date nights."

To be continued...

*Names are being protected.