My best friend couldn’t have put it more plainly. I am done.
1. I was cheated on and dumped for a poor white trash 26 year old co-worker with nothing to offer other than a lot of, “omg!”, “like”, “lol!”, bad eyebrows, and bad dye job.
2. I miscarried by the guy who did all of that to me and left me high and dry while he and his BFF hung out with their “children.”
3. And I just had thyroid cancer cut out of my throat.
I’d say that 2010 has been rather unkind, and I’ve taken it like a champ for the most part. It damn near broke me, but I’m afraid to say that I’m coming back harder and stronger. I fear for those that are to blame. Between Karma and me, it’s only beginning. I guess you could say that I had a lot of cancer cut out of my life in the big picture!
Part 1 of “Done”. His BFF said that he never liked me from the beginning, that he hated me. The he only liked me for Patrick's sake. I find that rather amusing. I would’ve never known otherwise. He praised me on how happy he was at how happy I was making Patrick. He loved eating every weekend with us that I cooked and bought food. What he didn’t love was that I saw completely through him and didn’t “accept” his bullshit. I’m sorry… he’s a funny dude, and the life of the party, and can have a really good time with… BUT he’s manipulative, back-stabbing, and two-faced. He’s a mean, vindictive, manipulative, cunning, deceitful person only out for his own good and doesn’t care who he steps on to get there, including his spineless BFF. His girlfriend has learned well from him but I have to remind myself that these people are incapable of thinking on their own. He dogs Patrick out when given the chance (of course behind his back), hell he’s dogged out the couple of friends that he has behind their backs. I listened to it for over a year the both of them talking about their two or three friends and spouses. You would think someone who has so little friends (I’m not talking about the random bar people he knows and doesn’t spend time with, I’m talking about the three friends he has) that he wouldn’t dog them all out. He HATED the fact that we did have a healthy relationship (when we did), and he was in an insufferable marriage with a girlfriend who wanted his undivided attention (that he would bitch about too). He wanted someone to be just like him. He wanted to be Patrick’s puppet master. Since Patrick didn’t have a backbone, this was an easy task to manipulate. NOW he hates Patrick’s (ex) girlfriend, now he can’t stand the fact that Patrick was contempt and comfortable in his relationship while he struggled to juggle a poor marriage and a girlfriend on the side. Now don’t get me wrong, what you do on your own time and in your life is all on you. Do I agree with it morally? No. But then again, I’m not the one that has to live with that on my shoulders. I’ve never been a cheater; I’ve never done someone wrong that I’ve loved. So that wasn’t on me. But bottom line, he wanted his BFF back, and he wanted him back on solely his terms (without me). He sees himself as a god of some sort… I see him as a lost soul. I’m not self-righteous by any means. I don’t claim to be better than others. BUT one thing that I don’t do, and I’ve been known to do a lot, is to shit on the people I claim to care about or love the most when I have no one else! None of his buddies’ wives/girlfriends like him. They tolerate him because it’s who their significant others care about. The only people that do like him are his girlfriend, Patrick, and Patrick’s kiddo. At the end of the day… this girl is exactly what he wants for Patrick. Why? Because she’s incapable of thinking for herself, she has NO clue of what she’s gotten herself into because she’s too young to have lived life long enough to know when she’s being screwed. And by that I don’t mean on her back on the memory foam mattress and bed sheets I bought for Patrick. It’s easy to manipulate a 26 year old that knows nothing about life. To her, this almost 40 something’s look like the “cool older dudes” when in fact they’re having mid-life crisis’. To her she feels like a “big girl”, but the fact remains is that Patrick can’t take care of himself let alone her. She’s looking for husband material, and he is not that dude! They’re both cheaters. Patrick cheated on his ex-wife, he cheated on me, and she’s clearly a dumbass to think it won’t happen to her. It’s like Murphy’s Law… “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong…” Any little girl that thinks she “won” because he was with her while his “girlfriend” was miscarrying, and suffering over the break-up… she’s sadly mistaken. She only looks “cool” to his two friends! She too will become one of his statistics. And his BFF’s girlfriend… wow… she couldn’t believe what a “heartless bastard” Patrick was for treating me the way he did throughout the miscarriage all the while she was becoming BFF’s with the little trick that’s close to her age. Someone she can more or less “relate” to. She was quick to come to my defense while I was going through hell, but quick to make me out to be the bad person for getting pissed off for being cheated on. But she waw ready to run to my side if need be. What a fuckin’ fake flake. They both now have cheating middle-aged dudes and they think they’re living a fairytale. I mean, she’s a cheater too… so ultimately what do you expect. You hang around garbage long enough, you begin to stink! Unbelievable. I truly though Patrick was an exception to the rule… I thought he was a good dude. Hell, even his own family thought he was a good dude. But I guess when you strive to be someone you’re not, it all back fires. He’s paid out more money with this trick in a matter of months than he paid out in a year and a half with me! Shit, I was free! He’s actually paying for ass now! Wow! And let’s be honest here… she has to feel stupid picking up my leftovers. I mean she’s sleeping on my former wet spot; she’s now been adopted by his “friends” (remember, the ones that talk behind his back) like I was, she brings her dogs over like I brought mine, she’s drinking from the coffee pot I bought, laying on the bedding I bought, she’s basically doing everything he’s already done with me… Must feel pathetic to be that girl… or should I say runner up? Nahh that’s too generous. Not even remotely cute with those pencil eyebrows, bad dye job, and kangaroo pouch. Any kid that young should still have a flat stomach! I’m damn near 40 and look better now than I did at 26! But Patrick did say that being with poor white trash was keeping with his own kind…So, part one is done. Yes, I’m still extremely bitter, and yes I still have a lot to say as the chapter was never closed on my end. I suspect that it’s far from over as I’m just getting started. Karma and I have a little something worked out… so the fun is only beginning!
Part 2 of “Done”. The miscarriage. The wound hasn’t even remotely closed. The band-aid hangs from one end without the sticky stuff to keep it attached. This chapter has not closed yet. Yes, it’s “done”, but it’s not over. I know in his mind it’s easier for him to move on with the PWT, not seeing me, and his buddies encouraging bad behavior (I know that they’re not the only ones to blame, he’s a responsible party as well), but the fact remains is that it’s not closed. It won’t be until he looks me in the face after everything he’s done to me. I will learn to forgive, but I will never forget... and neither will he. Somewhere down the line I was made out to be the bad person in all of this. I was the bad person for being a good person to the one I love, for doing anything and everything for that person AND his friends, for being faithful, and supportive. Then I was especially the bad person for getting pregnant while he was cheating on me with some ugly 26 year old that looks like a dude, I was the bad person for miscarrying, and lastly I was the bad person for losing my shit over all of it. Wow. Now granted I’m not sad that his people no longer wanted to be friends with me, I mean they do what they do best… they move to each of his conquests. When this one is used up, they’ll delete/”unfriend” her too and move to the next one. It absolutely cracks me up at how juvenile they are. At the end of the day, I have enough shitty people in my life… they were completely by association that I don’t really need them as they did nothing for me. And I’m not a cheater, so I really didn’t “fit” into the club. There’s only so much, “punkin’”, “honey”, and “baby” I can take from some kid who’s younger than me. It’s cute, but it’s cute to a 40 year old dude having a mid life crisis… not me. Again, Karma, I, and CarMax have had a LONG conversation! Let’s just say, I have friends in high places…
Part 3 of “Done”. Thyroid cancer… done. What a roller coaster ride that was! Patrick’s fake ass friends were there for me back in November when I had the initial scare and was soooooooo supportive of me. Then I didn’t see his BFF and his girlfriend until January and they were looking at me like I was crazy... Probably because they were in on his cheating ways with that really ugly girl. That’s what cheaters do ya know, they cover for one another. Nonetheless, my surgery is over (blog and pics coming up next!) and I’m getting back my fiery personality/attitude and people… ya better look out! I needed to conquer this to remind me of the strength that I have, that was stripped from me, but now it’s back… and boy is it back! NOW is the time for me to speak up… NOW is the time where I really get to let everyone know where I stand… NOW is when I no longer lay down and get walked all over… NOW is the time when the people who underestimate me most should probably stop, shut the hell up, and listen. And if you don’t want to do that… you better believe you’re going hear it anyway. I laid down for MONTHS and had to succumb to being lied to, cheated on, suffering a miscarriage – ALONE, being sick and suffering… Well folks, not anymore. Look for a LOT of changes to happen in the next few weeks. I spent months losing things (a relationship, a baby, my dignity, my integrity, my confidence, and who I am), well now it’s someone else’s turn! A change is going to come whether you want it or not. My conquering thyroid cancer is only proof of what lies ahead! Fear karma, it’s riding like the four horses of the apocalypse to a neighborhood near you!
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