He Doesn't Deserve Me...

he doesn't deserve me.


i know that that's what some people have been telling me for months, and i didn't know it was true. but now i feel it. i feel it in my heart that i am too good for him.  he didn't want to be good for me. he hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. he made me happy for such a long time, and then snatched it like a rug out from under my feet. and i deserve better than that. i deserve a boy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. i deserve a guy that always wants to be with me and will do anything for me. who can accept things without feeling emasculated because someone cares enough to do the normal things one does in a good relationship.  i deserve a man who makes me happy.


and i believe he exists. i believe now that someday, i will find my perfect match. i haven't been optimistic in months. i've spent so much time alone, crying, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart, that kept it in his personal drawer with all of the other items i've ever given him. and i haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. i have the rest of my life ahead of me. one day, i will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. he exists. and it's okay if i don't find him anytime soon. i'm not going to go out there and search for him. i believe that everyone has someone made just for them. and today, today i felt that hope inside of me. that i will find that someone who appreciates me, and who wants to love me. from now on, i'm just going to let go. i know i won't completely get over him right away. i'm letting go of him because i don't need someone who doesn't want me.


i'm going to live. i'm going to have a love for life. and i'm going to be happy.